Trips with the Boys
by Fire Tiggeress
Summary: Been bothering me for a whole this one. It is Valduggery with probs a bit of adult themes. Don't say I didn't warn you.
1. Chapter 1

**New story yaayyy**

 **Valkyrie's 20ish**

 **Set after DOTL**

 **Erskine's not evil**

 **Everyone's alive**

 **Tanith is in England**

Valkyrie's parent were away in Paris with Alice, leaving Valkyrie in peace and quiet at the mansion. Or so she thought. It was about 10 o'clock in the morning and Valkyrie was just settling down with a movie when the doorbell rang.

She jumped up and went to answer it. When she did, she got a shock. All ofthe Dead Men were standing at her front door, looking like they had an idea. Not a good thing. "Yeeeeeeeeeees?" Valkyrie asked suspiciously. "We are all going on holiday for a month tomorrow. Coming?" Ghastly asked before the others could bugger it up. "Sure. Where?"

She let them into the living room and sat down. "Tenerife, then onto Madrid, then Athens. Sunny spots. All prepaid. All organised. Staying in five star hotels. Rented three cars. I'll e-mail you the rest." Anton replied and slapped Saracen on the back of the head so he wouldn't say anything stupid.

Valkyrie looked at the hopeful faces of the 'men' surrounding her "Sure I'm up for it. When do we leave?"


	2. Chapter 2

**sorry its been so long. please don't kill me.**

"We leave next week, on Gordon's private jet." Replied Ghastly, going into the kitchen for tea.  
"Your only telling me this now, why?" Valkyrie said, leaning back on her chair, raising an eyebrow.  
The others looked sheepishly around until Anton rolled his eyes and said "They wanted it to be a surprise. I was okay with this until I remembered that you would need to pack. Needless to say I was the only one to think about this." She nodded and chatted with them for what Valkyrie thought was about an hour and a half, but turned out to be three hours. When she realised this, she stood up and said "Right, the lot of you, out. I need to go shopping for stuff."

As they said goodbye, Valkyrie noticed Skulduggery trying to sneak out the door, unsuccessfully. "Oi, Skulduggery, you're coming with me." Valkyrie said, and as soon as the words left her mouth, Skulduggery went to bolt for the door, but Valkyrie shot her energy across the front of him stopping him temporarily, and while he was stopped Erskine put an air bubble round him and brought him back to the living room. "Good luck, Valkyrie" he said then left with the rest.

"Awwwwwwwwwww, why do I have to shopping with you. Why not take Ghastly or Anton with you? I'm sure they'd be glad to help." Skulduggery moaned once the door was closed.  
"'Cause they aren't as fun to annoy as you are. Now get in the Bentley." Valkyrie ordered getting her house keys, phone and purse.

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About three hours later, Valkyrie had bought varying shorts, t-shirts, dresses, shoes, books, underwear, sunglasses, bikinis and hats. She also got her ears pierced because she spotted a pair of earings she liked. They were in the car home when Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie quizzically saying "Do you really need all that stuff? We are only going for a month." Valkyrie just looked at him, shook her head in disappointment and looked out the window and was silent the rest of the way back to Gordon's.

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About ten o'clockish that night, Valkyrie was still up eating crisps and watching T.V when her phone rang - Ghastly.  
"Hey, Ghastly. What's up?"  
"Hey, Val. Do you think Tanith would want to come along too? I know she's in England right now but she'll be back in two days"  
"Yeah. It's Tanith did you really think she'd pass up and opportunity to go touring a whole load of hot countries"  
"K. Thanks Val. See you later" Ghastly said before he hung up.  
'Well looks like my sisters coming along too.' Valkyrie thought before heading up to bed.

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 **Again, sorry its soooooo late. Please review. I love hearing from anyone who reads. Likes it or not. xxx**


	3. Chapter 3

The day of departure had arrived and Valkyrie and Skulduggery were in the Bentley on their way to Gordon's private airstrip. They were sat in companionable silence until Valkyrie suddenly remembered an old song her granny used to sing. _Do yoooouuuurrrr, ears hang low, can you swing them to and fro. Can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow. Can you swing them over your shoulder like a regimental solider. Do your ears hang loowowow. Yes, my ..._ And thusly began singing it at the top of her lungs, which then lead to Skulduggery to almost crash the Bentley into a tree on the side of the airstrip.

"Jesus, Val. Mind giving my some warning before your outburst of song please. 'T'would be Greatly appreciated by all?" He said getting the car under control and parked next to Dexter's snazzy sports car. They got out and looked around for the others and soon saw them all standing under the belly of the plane, sniggering at something. After they gave their luggage to the flight attendants, they walked over to them and looked.

Valkyrie took one look and almost vomited. On the underside of Gordon's plane were pictures. Hundreds of them. All of her beloved uncle, with varying different women. All naked. In a variety of positions. With different things protruding from them. Ranging from butt plugs and dicks to whisks and forks.

"OH MY GOD! That is Disgusting. I need to have a serious word with uncle Gordon later." Valkyrie said, looking down at the ground, trying not to puke.

Just as she was about to suggest they go inside, an attendant showed up and said, "Would you like to go inside now. We're taking off shortly." He said. Valkyrie made a beeline for the stairs


	4. Chapter 4

Valkyrie bolted straight for the minibar at the far end of the plane and downed a mini vodka in one go. Just as she binned the bottle Dexter looked over, "Val, you feeling OK? You look kind of pale." He said, smirking, knowing full well why.

Just as Valkyrie was about to go and strangle Dexter, Skulduggery saw the need to intervene. "Valkyrie come here a moment please." He said leading her away to the private area behind the minibar. "Right in all seriousness, are you feeling OK, you look like you've been drained by a vampire." He continued, putting a hand on her forehead.  
"Not really. Not a bug though, just horrid images of my favourite Uncle imbedded in my brain forever. I'll be fine in a minute." Valkyrie replied putting her arms out for a hug, which he gladly gave.

Just as they pulled out of the hug, the announcement came that they should buckle up for take off in two minutes. Skulduggery ushered Valkyrie out of the compartment with a hand on the small of her back, towards her seat, next to his.

Ten minutes in to the flight, Valkyrie started falling asleep. When Skulduggery noticed this, he put his arm round her shoulder and told her he'd wake her up if something worthwhile happened.

Just as she drifted off to sleep, she saw Ghastly and Anton share a look and a smile before glancing back at her and her partner, then continuing on with their reading or conversation.

 **Anyone got anything they wish to happen next. I'm open to all ideas**


	5. Chapter 5

**My thoughts and prayers to those in Paris. Show them they wont win.**

Valkyrie awoke to a wonderful view, the gorgeous sunset out the plane window. She sat up, stretched and yawned, then stood up to go and sit next to Ghastly.  
"Hey, Ghastly." Valkyrie said quietly, sitting in the seat next to him.  
"Sleepy Beauty awakes. You didn't miss much, apart from our landing in London to pick up your sister, Who is currently trying to kill Erskine for God only knows what." Ghastly replied, pulling her in for a hug, kissing her forehead. "Val, I know leaving your family was hard, but please remember that we're all here for you no matter what." He continued, touching the still painful time for Valkyrie even though it happened two years before.  
"I Know your all here for me, that's why I didn't have a complete mental breakdown when it happened. And besides, I've always thought of you as a father figure in my life, if you'll have me as your daughter?" She asked, looking up at him. Ghastly only sat and looked for a few seconds then said, "I'm glad you said all that instead of me cause God knows I'd have messed it up. Yes Val, I'll take you as my daughter." Ghastly replied, tears in his eyes, pulled her into another hug, but this time didn't let go.

Skulduggery, ever the detective, Walked in after sensing that something was going on, took one look at the look on his best friends face and knew what had transpired, and left them in peace.

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Ten minutes later, Valkyrie walked through to the back of the plane to where she thought no one would be, and bumped into Dexter. Something about the look on his face set alarm bells ringing in Valkyries mind. ' _Right, here we go_ ' She thought , putting her hand on Dexter's chest to stop him from continuing on.  
"What have you done now Dexter. You might as well tell me now, before I find out from someone else" She said looking up at him, seriously.  
"God, your actually a very good detective, aren't you? Hey ho, you've caught me anyway. I may or may not of just put make up on Saracens face while he slept. I'm bored and this plane isn't going fast enough. Don't judge me." He said, with absolutely no sense of remorse for anything.

Twenty seconds after he finished saying this, all that could be heard through the entire plane was Saracens furious voice cursing all hell out of Dexter. Said culprit was hiding behind the person most considered a little sister, while said sister howled with laughter.


	6. Chapter 6

**I am _ashamed_ with myself for taking this long to update. Feel free to yell, hurt or kill me. I honestly wouldn't mind. But please give us a review and slap with this chapter. **

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Valkyrie was currently doubled over with laughter stood in between Saracen and Dexter , acting as a human shield.

Saracen looked like a clown. Dexter had painted his eyelids bright blue and pink and used neon pink glittery stuff on his cheeks and eyebrows. His lips were also overly large and blood red, hence the recemblance to a close.

Saracen was yelling. Loudly. At poor Dexter who was holding on to a shaking Valkyrie, praying that he wouldn't be hurt too badly. Just as he was about to face the angry man , an announcement came on telling them to sit down and buckle up as they were about to land in Tenerife.

Valkyrie wandered over to her seat next to Skaulduggery while taking deep breaths trying not to start laughing again. She plonked down buckled her seat belt and turned to Skulduggery grinning.

"This is gonna be fun. Especially if Dexter and Saracen keep up their antics." She said as the plane started to descend.

"Yes, fun for you. I had to deal with this crap all through the war with Mevolent. Trust me, you are about to witness the biggest prank war ever. You should hide anything precious or expensive." He replied turning to her and she could tell he was grimacing, obviously remembering the things he had lost to prank wars in the past.

From behind them Valkyrie heard Ghastly groan and she turned to see what was up. He was looking in his bag with his eyebrows furrowed low over his eyes.

"Whats up ...Gha,"

"Dad, if you don't mind." Ghaslty interuppted glancing and smiling at her. "And I think I forgot something." He continued to search through his bag before smiling and tucking something into the front pouch on his bag.

"Never mind. Found it." He put his bag back on the floor and smiled. Anton looked at him from across the aisle and smirked. Ghastly winked back.

"Ok, what's going on?" Valkyrie asked looking back and forthe between the three men around her. They all looked to each other before Skulduggery said "You'll find out after Athens in...?" He looked to Ghaslty who said,

"Miami"

Valkyrie narrowed her eyes and was about to start pestering them when the plane jolted as it touched down onto the ground. She started bouncing in her chair, excited to get to the hotel and snoop about.

"Val, baby, calm down. We've got till next Sunday. We're spending two weeks here. You'll have time for everything don't worry." Ghastly said standing up and putting a hand on her shoulder, then to Skulduggery, "Good luck, mate. You're bunking with her." And then her walked over to wake up Erskine.

Skulduggery unbuckled himself and Valkyrie, stood up and said " Lord help me, please."

Valkyrie just grinned up at him.

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They had made it through customs with relative ease, the only hiccup being one of the staff being a girl Saracen had ditched without a word and she was still pissed at him.

Now they were in their rented minivan heading towards the hotel they had booked. Ghastly was driving with Valkyrie sat beside him. Dexter and Skulduggery behind them, Anton and Saracen behind them and Erskine and Tanith at the back.

Tanith was screaming at Erskine for touching her knee by accident, Saracen and Anton were trying to restrain her while the rest, apart from Ghastly, watched on. Valkyrie turned back around to look out the front when Ghaslty said, "Can you believe I was actually in love with her? Damn I was insane." He shook his head and turned up the radio to drown out the angry shouting.

When Tanith had been brought back from being a remnant, she had blamed Ghastly for her losing all those years. She thought that, because he had been her new boyfriend, he should have protected her, taken the remnant for her, and broke his heart rather harshly after screaming at him for a half hour. Now they barely spoke, but still behaved civilly towards each other for the sake of Valkyrie.

Five minutes later, things had quieted down and they were another five minutes from the hotel when Valkyrie felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around to ask Dexter what he wanted but he pointed her towards the back of the car. There, Tanith and Erskine were passionately making out.

Valkyrie looked back to Dexter who was trying not to laugh, which then made Valkyrie giggly and pretty soon the rest of the car were sat, rad faced and shaking trying not to laugh out loud at Tanith and Erskine, who, it seemed, had already gotten over the fight.

Thankfully, Ghastly pulled into the valet parking area of the hotel and they poured out of the car, only to burst into tears of laughter, leaving a confused Tanith and Erskine in their wake. The valet gave Ghastly a ticket and told him that their luggage would be brought up in about ten minutes or so and with that the Dead Men went to reception to get checked in.

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Ten minutes later, Valkyrie was sat on her massive, queen sized bed, holding a cup of tea while gazing about and getting used to the room. Skulduggery came over to her bed, holding her suitcase that had been brought up. She pointed to the space beside her bed and he set it down.

"So, what are we doing tonight?" Valkyrie asked, wondering if she could go swimming in the gigantic pool she saw downstairs.

"Well, dinners at eight so do whatever you want until then." Skulduggery replied, sauntering over to his own bed and sitting down, bouncing slightly to get used to it, then flopped onto his back. "May I suggest going for a leisurely swim for an hour, or reading a book on the balcony." He continued, getting up and rifling through his suitcase, eventually pulling out a t-shirt.

Skulduggery had taken to wearing more modern clothes since his facade had been improved to cover his entire body. After the war Valkyrie had also managed to convince him to use his actual face, hair and eyes for the facade, telling him that, yes he did some horrific things in the past but with what he had done to save the world had earned him the right to use his own face. So he did.

Skulduggery pulled out a pair of dark jeans and smart shoes, before disappearing into the bathroom to change.

"Yknow what? I think I'll do exactly that. Lemme find my swim suit." Valkyrie said hopping off her bed to find it. She was stopped over, butt in the air, when Skulduggery came back out running a hand through his black curls after activating the facade. Since the improvements he had taken to wearing it a lot of the time.

When Skulduggery caught sight of his partners derrière, he couldn't help but look. He knew, he so knew, that it was incredibly wrong for him to do so, as he prided himself on being a gentleman, but even a blind man could tell that Valkyrie had an amazing bum.

When she popped up holding a red one piece swimsuit, Skulduggery shook himself out of his butt-admiring stupor and went over to his partner. He wrapped his arms around her in a hug and said, "You know I love you right?"

Valkyrie turned around in his arms and hugged him back saying, "Of course I do Skully, you're my best friend and I love you too." She pulled back and smiled at him, before going into the bathroom to put on her costume and a pair of shorts.

While she was in there, Skulduggery grabbed a black velvet drawstring bag from his suitcase and hid it in his trousers. He knocked on the bathroom door and told Valkyrie that he was going through to Ghastly and Antons room to chat.

"Ok, ill catch you later Skul." She replied as he shut the door behind him.

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 **There we go. An extra long chapter written for you. Please review and feel free to end me if I ever make you wait that long again xx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Ammmmmmm back. If anyone would like a character added or mentioned in this please review and tell me who- name/description/power and all that rot. Cheers**

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While Valkyrie was swimming, Skulduggery was in Ghastly and Antons room. The real reason for the trip was Valkyrie's birthday, which was in six weeks, which would also be when they arrived in Miami.

Skulduggery knocked and wandered into the room, and saw Dexter, Anton and Ghastly already sat around the table with their presents for Valkyrie.

Ghastly had gotten her a lovely, charmed bracelet, made of a material that would sink into her skin once she put it on, basically acting as a tattoo, but one that would save her life. It was made up of tiny protection sigils in the brightest red. Most of the braclet was black and was simple but elegant enough for Valkyrie.

Dexter and Saracen got her a joint present of a ring of the shiniest silver, with a deep red ruby in the middle. It had an in gracing on the inside that read 'tá muid in aice leat, deirfiúrIt was to serve as a reminder to her that no matter what she did, who she hurt they would always be there.

Skulduggerys present was the most expensive and most exquisite. It was a delicate silver chain with to pendants on it. One was a beautifully ornate skull that resembled Skulduggerys in black with a small ruby in each eye socket. The other was a dark red capital V with a black outline. Skulduggery had spent 2 weeks trying to find a place that would make the design to perfection for him.

While they were chatting after hiding the presents, they heard a thump from outside the room. They looked to each other, grabbed their guns (cause lets face it, they never go anywhere without them) and stepped outside.

There, lying on the floor was Valkyrie. Laughing hysterically at something. Skulduggery stepped forward and crouched next to her.

"Val, wha... what happened?" He asked

This just made her laugh more while she shook her head. After five minutes, she had managed to calm herself down to the point where she could speak.

"Dexter? What did you do to Saracen again?"

At this all heads turned to Dexter, who paled and started looking around muttering

"Im gonna die, Im gonna die." over and over again.

Turns out Dexter had found some black shoe polish in one of the suitcases. Naturally, the first thing he did was put it on every exposed inch of skin Saracen had. Valkyrie was laughing because when Saracen had woken up, he ran out of his room after realising the _thing_ that had been done to him and charged straight into Valkyrie, pinning her to the floor while his head, arms, calfs and torso where black and sticky. What Dexter didn't realise is that shoe polish doesn't come off once its dry. And by this point the stuff on Saracen was mainly dry.

Dexter dashed over to the lift, waved to Ghastly, Anton, Skulduggery and Valkyrie, then got in saluted and screamed a very high pitch scream because Saracen had just stepped out of their room. He looked like a swamp monster. He had managed to get patches of it off of his face and hands but he remained mostly covered. Saracen took off at the lift that Dexter had stepped into and got there just after the doors shut sohebsprinted for the stairs.

The four that were left in the corridor looked at each other and silently wandered back into their rooms to get ready for dinner.

As their doors shut another one opened, Erskine and Taniths door, and out stepped Erskine and those close enough could here Tanith shouting, which was never a good sign.

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tá muid in aice leat, deirfiúr - we are beside you, sister

 **Thanks for reading remember to reviewwww xx**


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